Never really written a blog about relationships, but I guess here it goes.

So, I've had my share of shitty guys and fucked up relationships, as have the rest of you, I'm sure. But recently I dated this guy that had asked me out three times over the span of a year or so. I said "yes" every time but he never followed through until the last time. I wasn't expecting much to happen because, at the time, I was hung up on this other guy. But Guy #1 totally "swept me off my feet," I guess you could say. We dated for I guess 2 months if you count from when he first took me out, which is my shortest relationship to date. But I am so hung up on this kid, and I'm wondering what some people's opinion on the breakup would be, so here's the short version.

I am older than him and we were in the same major in college. I was about to graduate in a month when we started dating. I was his first real relationship. Most girls wrote him off because he seemed so "inexperienced," but I decided to give him a chance and he made me happier than any guy I've ever been with. But I think he started freaking out, and I'm not sure why. We're both pretty dedicated to academia, but he more so than me by far. He saw himself ending things with me whenever he went to grad school. I got upset not because he was talking about things possibly ending one day, but that he wouldn't give any other idea another chance. All I wanted was for him to not try to plan how he would feel and react some two years down the road. We worked through that, I thought. But then on New Years we went to see the movie Benjamin Button. On the way back he started talking about how the movie reminded him of us. (God knows how he thought a movie about a man growing younger rather than older and leaving his pregnant wife in fear of his inability to be a good father reminded him of us... wtf?)

Anyway, he started talking about how school and girlfriend were going to be hard to juggle. I wanted to say things like, "I don't really want to be around you 24-7, and I'm not a difficult girl to work with. I don't need a lot of time." But it was like he didn't hear me, and he had already begun to make up his mind. He already believed that he had to choose between school or me and it was like there was nothing I could say to convince him otherwise. Now I don't fault him for choosing school, in all honesty, I would've done the same. But what bothers me is that we broke up because he created an ultimatum that, in my book, just didn't exist. But I've had boyfriends manipulate me into staying with them in the past and I didn't want to manipulate him. I wanted him to make his own decisions, so there's a lot of things I left unsaid.

To make a short story shorter, we communicated a little via e-mail and he sent me an "I Miss You" e-mail that brought me to tears. But he still didn't make any effort to talk to me face to face. Then suddenly he just stopped responding to me and when I finally texted him about it he said he said he, "didn't want to hurt me any more." He completely erased me from his life and now I feel like the only time he wanted me in his life was when I was a girl he could take home, and otherwise, he didn't need or want my friendship. Suddenly, I feel really used. But I always get the vibe that it's because he "doesn't want to hurt me" and it's just very confusing. We're supposed to finally meet and talk about it next week and I'm not sure what I need to hear him say, but I'm confused.

Is this guy into me? Honestly trying not to hurt me? Or just giving bad excuses for the truth that he just doesn't want to ever see me again? I'm not looking to get back with him, but I can't figure out what happened or how he feels and that leaves me feeling like I can't move on. He also keeps telling me he is miserable, which breaks my heart. I don't care how other people feel when they break up, I don't want him unhappy. I would honestly rather see him with another girl than know he was miserable and struggling. He's a good guy and doesn't deserve that.

Any advice on what to say to him? Anyone had a similar experience? Am I wrong to want to be in someone's life still even if I don't want to be with him? I've never broken up with a boyfriend before and not remained close friends. I know that's how it's usually done, but I don't feel like we were dating long enough or that hung up on each other to have this kind of drama. I just want to be there for him and make him laugh. Am I out of my mind?